We all know this story, it’s very common in Nigeria. A marriage fails and the couple decides they don’t want to be together anymore. Or rather, the man decides he doesn’t want the woman anymore and he tells her to go back to her parents’ house.
That’s actually quote confusing; this whole business of “Go back to your parents’ house.” Like she was a schoolgirl just visiting his home. Or like she was a fancy new toy he thought he’d like but later discovered he didn’t want.
Anyway, moving on. So the marriage fails and it’s time for both parties to rebuild their lives. But actually, it seems that the woman is the only one who does the rebuilding. She’s forced to leave a home she contributed time, money and energy to build with nothing but her clothes, and if she’s lucky her children.
When a marriage fails, the woman has to deal with the widespread belief that she’s to blame. “Maybe she didn’t give him enough sex,” some people say. “Maybe she couldn’t make amala with efo and snail,” yet others add. As if that’s what a marriage is about. Is that what it’s about? Is it this frail thing that can only be sustained by a woman who can do bedroom acrobatics and also display chef skills? Is that what it means to be married?
Why do women suffer the most when a marriage fails? Why are they the ones who have to scrape and scratch to get by and still have to deal with the shame of the failed marriage? Of course, not every woman is innocent in the failure of her marriage, but for those who are, why do they still have to suffer?
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Also on marriage, here are three levels of maturity you should reach before getting married.