You love him. You believe he loves you. But there is one major thing about him that you hope will change. In fact, he probably made you a promise that all he needs is a little time, support, whatever, then he’d be the man you want him to be. So you accept mediocrity and a dissatisfactory relationship because you choose to have faith in his ability to become what he isn’t.
The idea that ‘nobody is perfect’ has caused many to push through unhappy relationships. You tell yourself it’s just a flaw and there’s no need to end a relationship over that. But the truth is, tying the knot with someone in hopes that they will become someone else is the worst thing for all involved.
The concept is a social construct
Have you ever wondered why women are the ones more likely to get married even to someone they know isn’t who they really want? Women have been taught to be kind, patient, supportive, and accepting. So of course, when we have doubts about certain traits in a partner, we’re the ones who are expected to take the plunge and hope for the best. You’ll hardly hear a man using words like “I really hope she changes after marriage and stops hurting me.” Men are allowed to know who they want and go for it. But as women, we are expected to make compromises and adjust our standards because, you know, “nobody is perfect.”
Why you should never make this mistake
The chances are very high that the man you have today is the one you will always have. People don’t change. And even when they do, marrying them is not the way to make that happen. If a child refuses to do her chore, you don’t give her ice-cream and hope she will change her mind. You cannot reward bad behavior and expect something good to come out of it.
Also, waiting for someone to change means sentencing yourself to years of heartache. But picture this: What if there was someone out there who is already what you want? What if you don’t have to suffer to get the loving, sweet and kind guy? You’re probably starting to think this is too good to be true, right? This is because that’s what society wants you to believe. We have been told to be contented and even grateful for what we have. We are made to feel greedy or naive if we aim for something better. But the truth is, it’s okay to believe that what you want is out there. And even if you doubt that, the solution isn’t settling for guaranteed pain. Be brave enough to go after what you want.
To really bring an end to a toxic cycle, here are three kinds of guys you shouldn’t be dating in 2019.
Featured Image via Tenor