Q: The first time we had sex we tried and tried and he could not get hard. We both just didn’t say anything about it. This kept happening every once in a while and as time went on, he started blaming me when he can’t get an erection.
He would accuse me of being ugly and he even once said the way I smelled was distracting. He said my vagina was too small and he was too big to fit that’s why he was unable to maintain his erection. I have tried everything. I have taken shower before sex, I have worn sexy lingerie and even gave him a lap dance one time. But he still found a way to blame me. We do successfully have sex sometimes but even then, maintaining his erection would be an issue. And whenever he actually climaxed, it happened too soon for me.
What should I do?
A: The only way his inability to get/maintain an erection has anything to do with you will be if he does not find you attractive. If that’s the case, you deserve to be with someone who’s attracted to you so your only option is to let him go.
However, it sounds like he has some erectile problems and instead of facing his issues, he chooses to take them out on you. When he can’t get an erection, he starts to feel insecure and ashamed then he becomes abusive. This is definitely not okay.
It’s time to break it down for him. First of all, you will no longer accept that sort of treatment. He needs to stop making his erectile issues your fault. Then the next step is for him to actually get help. It sounds like he’s suffering from a form of erectile dysfunction and these usually can actually be treated. But ignoring it and placing blame on you will not solve his problems.
If he’s willing to accept that this is a him-problem and is working towards finding a solution, then your relationship may be salvaged. But if he’ll rather abuse you while his problem persists, it’s time to go.
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