Q: My boyfriend is really good in bed. He does a lot to pleasure me and I try to do the same for him. But the problem is that he is usually very quiet.
We have been going down for some months now and things are fine. But I don’t really understand why he’s so silent during sex. He doesn’t make any sound even when he cums. Is it possible that he’s just not enjoying having sex with me?
A: There are many reasons why he may be silent during sex. It’s possible that he feels shy and uncomfortable making noise. Some guys who live in homes where they have to be super quiet may get used to silent pleasure. It could also be because he’s just wired that way. And it may be possible that he has control issues or believes sex sounds makes him less of a man.
So does it mean you have to simply accept it? Well, no. Getting feedback from your partner is important for a healthy sex life. This lets the other person know that they are enjoying themselves. That’s why his silence makes you concerned about not pleasing him.
Sexual sounds also trigger more desire in the other person. You feed off each other’s vibe. However, if the noise is all you, things can get awkward.
What can you do? First, you need to understand that a guy who has gotten used to this kind of restraint cannot suddenly be super expressive in bed. Your best bet is for you both to find a happy medium. So, talk to him. Try not to sound accusatory like he’s doing something wrong. Express your need to pleasure him the way he does for you. Open up about how much of a turn-on it would be if you got some type of feedback from him.
If he’s just shy, opening up this line of communication can help him come out of his shell. But don’t expect him to suddenly create a dirty ode to you overnight. Give him a chance to progress at his own pace.
There’s also the chance that dirty talking or making sex sounds just don’t turn him on. If that’s the case, the question now becomes, how can you know he’s having a good time? You may need to watch out for physiological reactions. Do his muscles tense? Does his facial expression change? Are his toes and fingers curling? Does he catch his breath when you do certain things?
The truth is, you can’t force him to be what he isn’t. A little encouragement may help. But otherwise, you may have to rely on other types of feedback. And if that isn’t working for you, i.e, if your sex life is becoming negatively affected, then you have to consider the fact that you just aren’t sexually compatible.
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