Q: I had my first baby about four months ago and since then I have been scared to be intimate with my husband. I feel physically fine but when we start to touch, I get worried and comfortable.
Is it normal to be afraid of sex after pregnancy? I want to be with my husband but everything just feels different than it was before. How do we move forward?
A: Having sex after pregnancy can feel like losing your virginity all over again mostly because childbirth does change you to some extent.
For one thing, you look different. If you had a natural birth, the sensations in your vagina may feel different. If you had a C-section, you now have a scar to be concerned about. Plus, childbirth changes your body in that you may be carrying a little (or a lot) more weight than before.
The point is for you and your husband to acknowledge that things may be the same as before. Talk about your fears to him. Help him understand what you’re really concerned about. Chances are, he’s probably nervous about what’s changed now that you’re parents. Opening up about your feelings is the first step.
The next thing to do is to start slow. Be with your man without feeling pressured to have sex. When you’re worried about sex after pregnancy, don’t try to rush it. Kiss, touch, and neck like you’re teenagers again. If sex happens, great. Otherwise, you’ve taken one step closer towards that intimacy. Sometimes, knowing you can be together without sex can make you feel less anxious.
Don’t worry, you’ll get past your nerves eventually and it’s not always going to be this way. It just takes longer for some women than others.
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